The Right Fit

Looking for jobs has got to be one of the most painful things to do. I'm getting the most polite "you suck" emails from corporations. I'm either too qualified, not specialized enough, don't have international conglomerate business experience, or my personal favorite: I'm not the right fit, but they wish me well with future endeavors. How can you tell if I'm the right fit if you haven't even talked with me and yet I have all the desired qualifications? Seriously?

Today I got blocked from a job I really wanted because my email thought the invitation to complete step two of the online process was junk mail and I missed the opportunity. It's leaving me clutching my heart in one hand and throwing my fist up to the sky dramatically asking, "Why? Why?!" while Edgar is simultaneously licking my toes to show he loves me and yes, I am in fact a good human being. I find the formula is something like this: the more you want the job = the less likely you will get it = the more the pain will crush you. Truly, it's a good time.

I remember being on the other side of the hiring desk. Sorting people based on obscure resume data is challenging. Are they "seasoned" or "green"? Are they too new of a grad or is their education even relevant to the position? Hell, does their education or experience make me think this person would get bored with the job? Nine times out of ten, it's usually an HR generalist who is doing the first screening and they aren't exactly sure what to look for. As a hiring person I dreaded when employees came into my office with a letter in hand and "need to tell you something." While they are telling me all about their impending move/wedding/baby/inheritance/life revelation for their two week notice, I'm thinking about the HR hell.

There are rules of engagement when hiring and I'm surprised by how many hiring people don't understand them. Granted, you kind of learn about them as you go. There are specific things you cannot ask. I've been asked the most insulting and lawsuit inviting questions by people like the directors of human resources. Do you have kids? Are you planning on having kids? Are you married? Which church do you attend? Good hell!

Behavioral interviewing is typically the way to go, as in, "tell me about a time when..." I made sure my panels were briefed on what you could and could not ask before the candidate even walked through the door. My favorites were the ones who looked flawless on paper thanks to a resume professional, but would reveal something odd in the interview. Something like how they were abducted by aliens and ever since then knew they needed to be on this professional path. Others who would ask if I'd be willing to talk to their probation officer or would I have leniency for missing work due to an upcoming trial.

For now, I suppose I need to have patience, believe in the Universe, karma, intention, and pray. I also need to limit my time on the computer just to cushion my self-esteem!