Get Scammed!

A couple of weeks ago my company announced it would be sending all of my peers to a motivational seminar. Apparently it was advertised in the newspaper and several of my staff commented that they were jealous as there were several speakers including Peyton Manning and Tony D-whatever-the-coach's-name-is. Honestly, outside of those two I only recognized a couple other names: Steve Forbes and Colin Powell. The seminar was being held at the RCA Dome, so that told me they were expecting a crowd. I figured it was one day away from the office and the worst thing that could come of it was a blog entry. I should have adjusted my expectations.

Getting downtown was a nightmare. They wouldn't let me in without giving them some of my personal information. "Door prizes," is what they said. I believe that this translated into spam email. I gave them my business card. The ticket said to arrive early to get your registration packet. It was a magazine with the owners on the cover touching the Superbowl trophy and it cost $20. 00. I passed it up thinking if there were gems of wisdom I'd write them on my leg. When I found my group, my administrative director handed me a copy of the magazine that she bought for me. As I flipped through it had really basic articles on glossy paper filled with basic concepts like, "visualize your success," "manifest your dream," or my favorite, "set goals." Yup, that's $20 right there.

I came in late and caught the middle of Steve Forbes. There were jumbotrons of him everywhere. Here was this white upper class male saying things like we need to drive a stake into the heart of being overtaxed, and isn't it great to live in America where we can live the American dream, etc, etc, etc.. I began to wonder if I was at the Republican National Congress.

The next guy was someone I hadn't heard of, but apparently he is a TV evangelical preacher and is syndicated even here in Indy every Sunday. He again mentioned how great America was, but then drove it home by saying God created such a great America. He told stories of people selling Bibles and kept praising Jesus, but also then would mention several people told him that he alone saved their life by preaching. I was expecting people to start passing out and speaking in tongues. The closest thing I got was a loud "Amen!" and a lot of hands raising up to the Lord!

Could it get worse? Oh, yes, it could. After being financially raped for a $6.00 20 oz Coke, the show started up again. A lady looking much like Tammy Faye Baker complete with bad hair, too much make-up, and a wireless headset mike came on to welcome us back. She introduced a group called "Quick Change" who apparently were on America's Got Talent. Given the three ring circus appeal, I was holding out for the clowns in the small car to come whizzing up and down the aisles. Oh, and did I mention the pyrotechnics? Every speaker was announced on stage complete with stage fireworks and flashing colored lights. Flashy!

Our next speaker was some financial guy who was going to teach us about the stock market in just three easy steps. Now, anytime I hear, "three easy steps," and "wouldn't you like to be a millionaire?" I get a little skeptical. I sat through a live infomercial essentially. Don't mind that all of his stats were from 2000 (before the stock market crashed, and a little out of date), or the fact that he again mentioned how great America and the American Dream is (praise Jesus), or the fact that he said that his motto was to never lose money. Hell, even Warren Buffet lost money. He only shared testimonials of those who were successful. But wait! There's more! You too can become successful! For only a small price he was going to let you in on a secret deal and give joe schmo become successful too. What is an $11K value, he would give to people for only $1495! It was a bargain! All you had to do was give your credit card to one of the 100 representatives waving a flashing light and they would give you a tool kit for free. If you like it then they would imprint the card within 24 hours for the total and success could be yours!!! Oh Hell No. But then I realized all of this was sounding very very familiar. Including the part that wealth is powerful, but the knowledge you could pass onto your kids is invaluable. One of my relatives actually bought this system. They were gullible enough to give the $1500 only to then realize that to get to the next level of "training" it would cost another X-thousands of dollars. But hey, success could/would be yours! (As they laugh all the way to the bank with your money.) Here's the deal: if he's so successful, why in the world would he be passing along his secret to you and would he really even need to be out doing these sales pitches? Why? Because, fools that buy his "system" are making HIS American Dream come true. Oh. My. God.

By the break, I was done. I can't keep my mouth shut by now. I'm on my own soapbox in front of my peers about how can anyone be so stupid. One of them raised her hand and said that she bought the system last year, but it was only $1000 then. And of course, she never used it, "because it was too complicated." She felt good that she got it for $500 less than what the going rate was this year. I just couldn't believe she went to this thing two years in a row! I began to long for my emails and piles of spreadsheets on my desk. Anything was better than this. I would have rather been a budding phelbotimist's guinea pig with multiple needle stabs than sit through this.

The last speaker for the morning was preceded by a former singer of Santana singing made up lyrics about motivation to songs like "This Land is Your Land" and doing the running man. Are you freaking kidding me? It reminded me of the Simpson's episode where Bart is recruited to be in a boy band and their catch phrase is, "Nioj eht yvan," concerts on a aircraft carrier, and everyone is joining the Navy. El Dummo. There is nothing subliminal about this. Again, more pyrotechnics and Tammy-wanna-be came back on to announce the greatest man she knew, her husband and co-founder of the Get Motivated! seminars. I was officially done. This guy looked like an effeminate Ronald McDonald who needed thyroid meds as his eyes were bugging out of his head. I began to walk out. In front of my peers. They followed suit. In the food court lunch line, one of my fellow attendees said, "Well they may be married, but they certainly have never had sex."

I didn't go back to the RCA Dome. I couldn't have if I still wanted to have integrity. Sure they may have had an alum list of speakers that would knock your socks off, however I know for a fact that Maya Angelou's price for 1 hour of speaking was $10K back in 1998. These guys were getting paid huge bucks to pitch their products all in the name of a moral hook involving God, family, and America.

Get Motivated! Nope, more like Get Scammed!