Take This Job and Shove It

For the longest time, various men in my life (my husband included), have tried to convince me that "Office Space" is a really really good movie. I have never been able to sit through the whole thing as it creates such a visceral response in me. It touches a nerve that just resonates on that feeling of being trapped and really feeling like you haven't contributed anything in life. That to me, is ultimate failure. So around the part where characters being to ask if, umm, yeah, did you see the memo? I begin to feel my skin crawl.

For three weeks of May I was out on Vicodin, Skelaxin, spinal injections, and physical therapy. I don't do work when I'm on narcotics, so it yielded a lot of self-reflection. On Memorial Day weekend someone asked me if I was missing work and I inadvertently replied by unintentionally quoting a movie line from "Office Space." "I wouldn't say I was exactly missing work." J got a grin from ear to ear and knew the time was ripe for yet another go around of me watching the movie. Last weekend I finally sat through "Office Space" and actually enjoyed it.

The last week of May was a pivoting point. By Thursday I finally worked my way into my bosses schedules for a catch up meeting. One would have thought they would have prioritized me into their schedules, but whatever. My contempt for them could no longer hide and after a very convoluted conversation I finally said, "I can't do this anymore. I just don't think I'm a good fit." It seems like a very P.C. thing to say until I went on to tell them what exactly I dislike about my job, specifically their (lack of) leadership. I finally listed my strengths, what I thought I could contribute to the organization and said if they could find a fit for me we can move forward otherwise I think we should part ways. Man it felt empowering to say all of this out loud!

However, I dreaded coming back and telling my husband. He actually took it really well. His eye brow raised and his eyes looked really big for a second while I re-enacted the life changing line, but he then returned to normal and said, "Well, it seems like you committed political suicide, but then again you are a lot more successful than I am in the business realm, this is how you would react authentically, you hate this job, and life is too short for you to be unhappy." I couldn't believe how supportive this man is! Everything he did or said just reconfirmed exactly why we are together.

The following Tuesday I was scheduled for a meeting with my bosses and they offered to create another position for me that really didn't exist with a dock in pay, time limited to 4-6 months, and with the understanding that they would "spin this." Essentially, they were buying my silence. Oh, and they needed an answer RIGHT NOW. I told them I would get back to them tomorrow after speaking with my husband. After talking with another colleague in the field he pointed out that I was the organizational darling, all other existing leadership were being compared to me on a weekly basis (hence, why I really never was accepted as a peer), and if I just left it would point to an inadequacy on their part. Could I stay and keep my integrity? After waking up my post-call husband with the urgency that we needed to talk, we both came to the same conclusion: Not on your life.

I walked in the next day and told my coordinators team that I was resigning. A couple cried, most looked shocked. I explained the whole situation and why I had come to that conclusion. I then quickly typed up my letter of resignation and went down to administration. It was the calmest I had felt during my tenure. One boss wouldn't speak to me, the other was angry and in not so many words threatened me with a bad reference. They were betting on me taking the deal. I then met with the CEO to tell her exactly why I was leaving. She was just truly baffled even by my line that "it wasn't a good fit." She said that they took a big risk hiring me, I had a huge future there, and with all of the incredible work I was doing, she could only see it as a failure on their part. She wanted me to walk her through from the interview process to now as to what happened. I finally leveled with her that the only reason I was leaving was because of the "Dick and Jane Show," which is what all of the leadership call our bosses on admin. These two are a histrionic gay man in recovery and active alcoholic woman, co-dependent couple who are so unhealthy, its killing the organization. I cited specific examples where I had to clarify what their jobs were because they didn't know (literally), the waste of time our bi-weekly 6 hour meetings were, and how unsafe my peers felt because of their personal ethics. I always questioned what was being said behind my back. I acknowledged that I knew she believed in their efforts and I was smart enough to know when to move mountains and when to go around them. In the end, I chose to leave. She finally nodded and said she understood. She also said that I could count on her for a reference and to please give any employer her direct line.

The next day I spend all of my time informing my teams of the change. The reactions were varied, as expected. After all, a 60% approval rate in politics is unheard of and considered a HUGE success. I had a couple cry, one guy threw his pen and walked out after telling me I was the best thing that had happened and now I was leaving, and a few smiled. After telling people in the leadership team of my decision, I was literally dismissed by Dick. He also said that although 30 days is customary, it was not necessary and the sooner I was out the better. Oohkay.

I came back to my office to have my phone ringing off the hook as well as boxes mysteriously appearing on my floor. Colleagues from the community were calling me asking me what the hell happened. How did they know? Oh, Dick sent out an email that morning explaining I was no longer employed to the community, with the implication that I was fired. I was not cc'd. My trusted friend forwarded it to me and then promptly asked for my resume. I decided to ignore Dick's email and send out my own resignation letter with the official line of me deciding it was "not a good fit" and with grace wishing the organization the best. No way was I burning any potential bridges. However, war was declared between Dick and me.

I knew he was going to send out an email announcing my departure to the organization, but after what he did, I beat him to the punch. He was PISSED and sent me an email asking what the hell was I thinking, also cc'd to the CEO. I forwarded his original email sent to the community telling him I was disturbed and disappointed in his decision to go against our planned communication of telling staff before everyone else. I also said it implied I was fired but I thought I had done good work for them and while politically they didn't owe me anything, it would have been a nice personal and professional courtesy for us to have worded something together. I also cc'd the CEO. I haven't heard anything from him since. Uh huh, don't fuck with me, bitch.

My last day is tomorrow. In the meantime I've had one job interview (potential solid offer) for part time consulting, another phone call on a resume, and three requests from the community for my resume. I can't wait to get rid of this negative energy. I feel lighter, happier, and so much better. Harking back to the movie, while I did not take a fax machine out to a field and smash it with a baseball bat, I did feel extremely rewarded for throwing away my "I'm proud to be an employee" travel mug.