Tuesday, October 20, 2009

So Far...

Here's what I know after my first day of work:

1) I share my office with the person who used to hold my position and I now supervise. Uncomfortable? No! What would give you that idea?

2) Virtual New Employee Orientation is a lot quicker than going in person. You can just fast forward through the slides demonstrating what sexual harassment is and why it's bad. I used to teach this class so I think I've got the scoop.

3) My boss is awesome.

4) I'm exhausted.

5) My office needs some serious decorating.

6) This whole carpool thing with J is barely squeaking by. I waited an hour for him to finish that whole pesky thing we call "patient care."

7) High heels are overrated.

8) Did I mention I'm exhausted? With blisters from those stupid high heels.

9) Badge photos always look terrible.

10) Even though I'm not clinical, I still got a pager within 10 minutes of me walking through the door. And here I thought I was free from that PTSD beeper sounds.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Rebirth

Three years ago this month I started a new job in a new city with an old sinking feeling.

I knew the job wasn't a good fit for me and yet I was enamored by the flattery of pursuit and nice salary. I tried to convince myself that it would be a "learning opportunity" even before I set foot into the building. I would expand my skill set. I could influence change. These are the lies I told myself as I sat in the 1970's wood paneled executive boardroom complete with office furniture that were hand-me-downs from the public school system. Every morning I would attempt to psych myself up for another day of cheer leading the disenfranchised staff, policing those who were skimming by, and deciphering the mixed messages from a messed up dual reporting system of divas who fed off of drama.

Looking back, there were two bright spots to my role: the CEO (whom I never really got to interact with but highly respected) and the office staff (who were jovial and made me feel welcomed). It was the longest 7 months of my life. When I accidentally quit during a meeting with the divas by blurting out, "I can't do this anymore," it felt as though the weight of the world lifted off of my chest. This unhappy journey was never going to have a happy ending. Intuitively I knew it from day one and yet I never fully listened.

I did gain something from this chapter of my life. It proved to be an amazing learning opportunity, but in a way I didn't expect. It confirmed I belonged in healthcare. That is where my heart resides. I confirmed my identity that I was an unconventional social worker. I confirmed my skill set as a leader of systems change. These were all things I already knew in my soul, but sometimes a little reassurance isn't so bad. I also learned the valuable lesson of happiness - don't settle for anything less.

I've been wrestling the demons of my past and old scripts that were shaped by this one work nightmare. The intensity of self-examination has increased this past week as I gear up to start another new position. However, I do have something now I didn't have before: clarity.

Once I quit, I renewed. I renewed a vision for myself based on my preferences, my style, and my ideals. I knew I wanted to be an organizational development consultant in healthcare. There is something about walking into a hospital for me that energizes me. I love the culture. I love the challenges. I love the humanity. I also love solving systems problems, working with teams, coaching leaders, navigating complex political systems, and focusing on the patient.

Last year I was one of two finalists for what appeared to be my dream job. It was at a prestigious healthcare institution under the OD department. However, my job would have been focused mostly on training. I didn't mind training. I was good at curriculum development, but what I dread is the monotony and boredom of doing the same thing over and over again. This is what this job would have been. It consisted of overhauling new employee orientation and implementing it...then repeat over and over again. I convinced myself it was a step in the right direction. It was a foot in the door. I could prove myself and then show them what my true skill set was. Again, I was telling the same lies to myself to see what I wanted to see and not what truly existed. I knew I wouldn't be happy there with the role they were filling. They wanted a trainer, not an organizational consultant. I didn't get the job and was very angry for a long time. I displaced my anger, my disappointment, and my perception of failure. It was yet another opportunity for me to really look at what the Universe was telling me.

I began to refine my professional vision and looked for opportunities to advance my dream. Call it synchronicity, karma, or just plain luck, but I found a graduate school program that seemed to speak to my soul. Within days of the deadline for application for admission, I sent off my information and was accepted.

I remember first meeting my classmates and professors. When asked what I wanted to do with this degree I was confident in my response: I knew I wanted to be a healthcare organizational development consultant. There was no one like me in the small class of 12. Some were already Senior VP's of international businesses. Others worked in foreign fields of bioengineering or retail. Every textbook was like drinking from a well after eating sand. Every project I did for my second masters was focused on my dream. My intention was set and I thank God my professors and team mates accepted my unconventional approach.

After graduating, my husband and I moved to a city where we knew no one. There were no ties, leads, or networks for support. I was intimidated by this at first given that somewhere around 80% of all jobs are landed through networking, not blind resume submissions. Weeks into settling into our new city, we were invited to a Sunday brunch for J's department. There I had a connecting conversation with one of J's colleagues. Like me, he was unconventional in his chosen profession and shared a passion for change. As the dialogue progressed we both became quite animated. The conversation ended with a request for my CV. I emailed it off without a second thought. As the weeks progressed, I actually embraced the idea of being the domestic spouse for the first time in my life. It was literally one day after J and I had this conversation about our new relationship roles did my phone start ringing off the hook. Ironic that once I let go of my intensity, my intention manifested.

I believe that once you set your intention, the Universe will conspire to make it happen. Tomorrow is the manifestation of this case-in-point. Tomorrow I step back into the world of a 40+ hour work week. I have the leadership component, the healthcare component, the systems perspective component, and mentoring component. I am officially a healthcare organizational development program manager.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"Projects"

I'm finding that the more you look at a house, the more "projects" you begin to see. It's a little like falling down the rabbits hole, to be perfectly honest. Folks I can officially say with confidence that the honeymoon phase of home ownership is over.

During the past three weeks I've pretty much lived on Angie's List and the phone. Angie's List is a pretty big operation here in the Midwest and I've found it to be quite helpful. Of course I do my part and review the businesses I've used. I give a lot more credence to reports written in the past 6 months than those from 2 years ago. I will say it bugs me that I pay for the service. A pesky $9 gets automatically withdrawn every month. This being said it does work in my favor when I call a company and let them know I got their name off of the list.

The home problems began one morning when my husband neglected to tell me that the hot water handle on our tub fell off. I came home from an interview to find it sitting on the side of the tub. Here's the kicky part: it apparently has fallen off in the past because it was GLUE GUNNED back on. Yes, you can see the glue they used to get the handle back on the stem. You know a simple hex wrench would have worked to tighten it back on, but apparently - and this is hard to fathom - I am more adept in tools than the yahoos who owned the house when it happened.

So, apparently we needed a plumber. I began the search. One guy who came highly recommended passed the job off to a buddy of his who is a handy man. The handy man came within the hour but admitted that plumbing wasn't his strong suit. At least he acknowledged that before attempting anything. He said we just needed a replacement part and he could take care of it for about a buck seventy-five. Sounds good, right? Well, knowing my husband and his fondness for being thorough, I called another plumbing operation who sent out a master plumber for an estimate. He said the whole kit and caboodle needed to be replaced which would run me about $200-$300 just for the parts and an additional $850 for the labor. I'm no mathematician, but there is a LARGE difference between this guy and the handyman.

We mentioned this to some neighbors of ours who are both architects and hobbies include things like Habitat for Humanity. Right now they are in the process of building a garage. I mean, pouring the concrete themselves, framing, installing windows, electricity, roofing and siding the sucker. Ed, out of the kindness of his own heart, said he would come take a look.

In the meantime I also wanted to get the opinion of our gutters. It's rather generous for me to actually call them "gutters" because really they are more like waterfalls over the edge. Here I'm thinking we just need to adjust the slope and clean them out. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Two companies come by and give comparable bids both showing me how these are the original gutters made of steel, well beyond their lifespan, and the best thing we could do is replace the whole system in aluminum. And we're on a time deadline as winter is coming. The old owners disclosed there was some ice damming, but we didn't realize the extent of the problem. The good news is the roof is great, but we may have some apron issues (whatever that means) in a particular section. Now I have tried to sit down with J to go through the bids but he'd much rather do practically anything else than discuss expenses for home improvement issues. So this project is on hold for now.

In addition to the landscaping project mentioned in my previous post, we have an arborist coming to look at the giant silver maple. Who knows when he/she will show up. And, just to be completely thorough, we had the insulation guys come this morning for a bid. See, the ice damming is caused by heat getting trapped in this particular section of the roof and then compounded by the gutter issue.

Tom, the insulation guy, came and gave me a true education about insulation. Hell, I had no idea what a R19 vs a R38 rating was. I can honestly say I do now. I also learned that spiders will build their webs where drafts are because that's where the bugs are. Interesting, eh? Who knew? While getting up in the attic, we needed to pull down the medicine chest in the upstairs bathroom. (Don't ask, it's just an odd old house.) Getting it back on was another matter.

Have I mentioned my husband's love affair with molly bolts? All I can say is thank God he has this odd infatuation because we're going to need it. The previous dumb-asses used dinky plastic anchors which pull right out of the drywall. I'm surprised that the medicine chest hasn't fallen yet. Let's just say it is happy in it's safe resting place on the floor right now.

I'm truly impressed with J's fearlessness when it comes to home improvements. We also had a lovely leaking cold water handle in the downstairs bathroom sink. This Saturday he consulted the Big Orange Home Depot Bible of Repairs and went to down dismantling things. It was a little surprising for me when I turned on the water and nothing came out. That's how I learned he had turned off the water main. We also learned that we have iron pipes. IRON. With severe atherosclerosis (aka, deposits making the hole very narrow for water to travel through). Not much we can do about that but eventually replace all of the pipes in the house - God help us. J was highly successful in fixing the sink.

However it does make me very very scared about the other house we own. Here we are thousands of miles away and the 1922 bungalow is just sitting there with renters. What home improvement projects lie in wait for us there?