Wii Porn

Before our trip to Australia, my husband spent hours if not, days, surfing the Internet and drooling into the keyboard. Things like pixel size, DX crop mode, expanded sensitivity range, and auto focus got his blood pumping. We began to call his small obsession with underwater digital cameras, "J's porn." After months of browsing and actually visiting mega electronic stores, we finally agreed that we should purchase a camera. We had one, but it started acting up days before we got on the plane. Somehow indulging my husband's fantasy of having a new James Bond gadget seemed more rational than just buying a new battery for our existing, non-waterproof camera.

My one big worry with buying this new gadget is which new porn item will compete and successfully take over his interest? Well, for awhile it was the iPhone. I believe most women can relate to this, especially my girlfriend who sends me my own version of porn (oooh, Sims expansion packs...) and calls to check in on me from her iPhone that her husband gave her. She, by the way, loves her new gadget. J still has his old phone from the early 2000's that still works beautifully and is rationalizing keeping it until the new version of the iPhone is released so he can run things like pharmacy software on it.

The other competing interest has been the Wii. I believe part of his preoccupation can be blamed on the fact that it is in such high demand and you can't find it anywhere. J has checked Costco's website faithfully every week for over a year to see if they are in stock. They never are. Why Costco? Because it is his mecca. And truly, what could be better and more emotionally fulfilling than not only getting a Wii, but getting it WHOLESALE and bundled in a package only meant for those with membership at the mecca? This is true vindication for my man. It would be meeting that primal instinct of going out and killing a woolly mammoth and dragging it back to the cave...only this would be a lot less messy and has the promise of things like Guitar Hero III.

Yesterday, the Wii was at Costco. J stood next to the 11 year old boy in his karate outfit staring at the disappearing consoles snatched up by mostly grandparents.

"I've been here for 5 minutes and that they are almost gone." Said the little boy.

"But look, there's another palate underneath this one. There are still a few more left." J replied as two more people put the bundled package in their carts and wandered off.

"I never see them. I always look, but they are never here." The little boy didn't take his eyes off the dwindling supply but never got enough courage to touch one of them.

"I saw them here once in August of last year. It was a Tuesday." J replied. (I'm so not making this up...this is exactly what he said.)

I finally asked if J wanted to put one in our cart and wander around with it, contemplating the pros and cons of buying it. He reluctantly declined. By the time we were getting our weekly supply of milk and yogurt J mentioned that he felt really bad for the little boy. My social work side kicked in and I asked if he was projecting. Did he really feel bad for the little boy, or just himself? Both, he decided. We wandered back to the Wii. We passed the little boy and his father.

"Look, his dad has about $80 or more in wine in his cart, but no Wii." J lamented and passed a sympathy glance to his karate compadre.

By now the last palate had been exposed and an employee was collapsing the cardboard. J had a small discussion about the supply/demand and shipment regularity. In there eBay was mentioned by the employee and I swear I saw my husband shudder a bit.

"They are never here. Good idea: getting a Wii. Bad idea: paying $350 for a Wii when we have a lot of expenses coming up." He said logically.

"Wait a minute, we also have a lot to do in a very short amount of time and this would suck the time. And, we still have the blue screen of death on our other computer. We've bought an external hard drive, but we still haven't fixed our other computer. That decides it. No, we will not buy it until we have our first computer fixed." I said and began to push the cart away from my husband who was still standing by the Wii's.

"That's your addiction talking." He retorted. "You just want the computer up so you can play the Sims!"

"No, if it were up to me, I would have trashed our computer and bought a new one already." I was also dreaming of a faster processor.

"Well, I feel good about backing up your files with the external drive."

"We've done it once."

"How many new files do you have?"

"I don't know. I don't keep track. Quite a few I'm guessing." Its not like I'm keeping a log of what new documents I'm creating. "Ok, lets go."

J is now dragging his feet behind me towards the checkout. His brow is furrowed and his sighs are heavy.

"Ok, fine. Go get the Wii." I said and he was off lickety split almost skipping back to retrieve his beloved electronic console.

I ended up checking out, paying, and then waiting for him to not only show up with the Wii but also the cedar planks for our favorite salmon recipe. He was beaming, friendly to everyone, and I was a bit afraid he would burst into song and dance. He does this often when he's happy or tired. I'm always amazed by his confidence and lack of really caring what others think about him. Our kids when they are in their tweens and teens will HATE him for it. Oh well.

As we were leaving the store, J commented, "Well, now I feel better. We can decide if we want the Wii in our own time and get the option of taking it back in 90 days." Sooooo my husband. His theme song should be "I like to take my time" by Mr. Rogers.

"You're right. Its much better to have the option of feeling vindication versus just regret."

"Exactly. I'm 33 and I have my very own Wii."