Addendum

As I was gearing up to stain the deck yesterday I pulled out my knee pads - not that I was going to use them, but it makes my husband feel better about me kneeling with a history of two knee surgeries - the stain, the primer, and well all of the other necessary items used to do the project. I was psyched! How cool would it be for us to finish a project in less than a week? This was unheard of between us (may I remind you of the beer STILL sitting in the closet).

Oh, I had false, false hopes. Delusional false hopes. You know, the kind that there are psych meds for.

My husband actually began to READ the instructions on the cans of pain. This was the beginning of the downfall. My approach is: how hard can this be? Its not rocket science or brain surgery. You open the can, dip the brush, apply. No no no! My husband, God bless him, then went to get some tape to put on the boards and see if any wood fibers were attached. Because there were some nearly microscopic fibers he went to get his hand held sander. As the man put on his respirator and started in with the deck I began my frustration manifestation. The inner dialogue went something like this: "Goddamn it! This is going to take forever! Its not like this is going to have any added benefit. Its a deck, for Christ sake! Out in the open to the elements and he's worried about fibers! I can see the benefit in doing this to hardwood floors on the inside, but come on! Its a deck!"

I could see that my inner dialogue was going nowhere so I began to apply the plastic wood with a spatula to the railings and attempt to smooth some of the weathered ridges out. 15 minutes later, my husband had completed 3 boards. Three. I think he could feel the daggers shooting out of my eyes because he then stopped and said, "Honey, why don't you use the power tool and I'll so some manual sanding." I think he thought that by being more action oriented I could lessen my frustration.

Nope. The inner dialogue continued. "Goddamn it! This is so slow! With the weather forecast we'll never get to paint the railings or stain the deck! And there he is just watching me, criticising me on how I'm not being as meticulous as he is!" I finally stopped to look up at him and sure enough he was just standing there watching me. I had tripled the surface area covered in about half the time.

"What? What are you thinking?" I dared him. Smart boy didn't say anything. "What? You are just criticising me because I'm not doing it the way you want it to be done, aren't you?"

"Well, I know that you don't take criticism well so I'm not going to say anything."

As my mantra of: "I love my husband. He complements my style. I love my husband." kept repeating in my head and I also took deep breaths I finally stood up to take off my respirator, the racquetball goggles that doubled as the safety glasses and handed him the sander.

"I quit. No actually, I know I'm not going to do things up to your standards and in an effort to avoid Divorce Court, I am going to remove myself from this part of the project and go clean or garden or do something else I am good at doing while you manually sand the deck. Now that we've started this, it has to be finished otherwise it may alter the way the boards take up the stain. Nope, I'm going to remove and excuse myself from this part of the project."

I think he was also trying his own mantra at that point in time to remain as calm as possible although I think he did toss something with a little more force onto the grass. And with that he
said, "Fine."

I spent the rest of the day transplanting perennials from our pots into the front garden space which took me all afternoon. Neighbors would stop by and ask me why was he doing this sanding step and others who would say that now they are so discouraged from the amount of work that is involved they will never ever refinish their deck.

I will say that the sanding did make a small visual improvement but even he will admit, it may not be enough to warrant all of the extra work. He spent all day out there until dusk wouldn't allow anymore progress and yet there is still more to be done. It was a very good decision for me to remove myself from that step. It seriously preserved us.

Today, the plans are for him to finish the sanding and for me to prime the railings. Now, we may have another point of contention if he asks me to do TWO coats of primer vs the one. First and foremost: they have to repaint our exterior next year a completely different color. And second, we may not be here by next July.

Its been said that if you want something done, ask me to do it. If you want something done WELL, ask my husband.