Speedo Hell

It is well known that most brides are the skinniest right before their wedding. People chalk it up to the stress and being happy. I was not an exception to this. I could eat cheese whiz, cookies, and wine for dinner a year ago and I lost weight. My whole dress had to be taken in. I honestly worried I didn't look like myself and wasn't really happy with my body image when I was that little. I felt a bit scrawny to be honest. While in my photos I looked great, all I could do was focus in on the fold of skin/fat by my armpit in my strapless gown. My husband later explained that it was breast tissue and no matter what I did to work out on that area, it would still be there. Sometimes its good to be married to a doc to remind you of such things.

A year later I'm focusing on eating healthy and I've gained weight. Again, people tell me its because I'm happy. While this is true, its hard to figure out how happiness is a diet strategy when my weight is all over the board. I don't think I look bad right now, but I'd like to look better. Like when I was an athlete "better" and 16. I realize I'll never look that great as I'm nearing my 32nd birthday next month. When I did look that good, I didn't have the confidence to pull anything off. Now I have the confidence, and not the goods. Ah, the irony!

A few years ago, my cousin was just entering college. She came to another cousin's baby shower and she looked amazing. She wore this amazing corset, looked incredible, and had the quiet confidence to pull it off. It was such a daring outfit for her as she is very introverted, but I'm telling you, it worked! She actually got the timing of confidence and body at the same time!

I also know that when I had my athletic build I was working out in the pool a minimum of 2-3 hours a day. I should have had a kickin body for that much work. Now a days, I don't have that kind of time nor do I have access to a racing pool. However, we do have a small pool in our neighborhood. God bless, my husband was supportive of me when I announced I was going to buy a workout suit. The man even came with me to go shopping.

There is nothing worse than shopping for a swimming suit. Jeans are a close second, but really swimming suits win. I'd rather go to the eye doctor, dentist, and the gynecologist on the same day than go swimming suit shopping. It took me about 15 minutes to determine that, 1) I placed a lot of faith in a stupid number representing my size, and 2) the cute geometric Speedo patterns are not flattering on someone my size...or at least you need to be strategic about the designs. I ended up chickening out and going home only to buy my suit online from Speedo.com. I wanted my suit to be here in time for my mom's visit. Often we would swim on Saturdays and perhaps we would venture to our small pool together to "jump start" my routine.

My suit arrived last week, but it took me three days of just staring at the box before I got the nerve to try it on. It was the right size. The pattern was as cute as it could be. However I looked like a fat tart. I had back fat, flank fat, and other tissue I didn't even know I had squeezing out of me like sausage in casing. While a regular bathing suit accentuates what you may have as a gift, there is nothing to hide with a Speedo. However, I figured it was a starting point. I took off the tags and threw away the return label. It has now stayed in my dresser since the day I tried it on.

We are in a heat wave from hell out here. Its so steamy it and the air is so thick, you could almost chew the air...and this is coming from someone who likes the humidity! My mom has yet to buy her suit. We'll see what happens and if we make it into the pool to work out or just to sip margaritas and chew the air.